


where's my love

by starryeyedauthor



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Best Friends, Break Up, Crying, Drinking, Emotional, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Friends With Benefits, Going through a break up, High School Lovers, Party, Riverdale, Slash the, five stages of a break up, riverdale imagine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-05-23 19:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14940395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryeyedauthor/pseuds/starryeyedauthor
Summary: In which a relationship that was once full of warmth and love reaches its breaking point, and the reader and Sweet Pea struggle to deal with what is clearly the end.





	1. denial

_Stage one: denial, trying to pretend everything's okay._

 

You sighed from where you were sitting at the bar, watching Sweet Pea start another game of pool with some of the other serpents. Toni gave you a sympathetic look as she refilled your glass of water, watching as you leaned your face against your hand, exhaustion evident in your bone weary movements.

 

“At this point I think you should just ditch him and head home,” Toni muttered, swiping the dish towel off her shoulder and cleaning another glass.

 

“Oh trust me, T. I’m considering it,” you replied bitterly, glancing over your shoulder and meeting Sweet Pea’s gaze with a sour look, your gaze narrowing when he rolled his eyes and looked away.

 

The two of you were supposed to leave hours ago; Sweet Pea had driven both of you here on his bike, and you were supposed to sleep in his trailer tonight. He had promised you’d only be at the Wyrm for a little bit before heading back home for a night in, something the two of you desperately needed. However, the past month had been a tense one for your relationship, and now it seemed like going home and being alone with you was the last thing Sweet Pea wanted.

 

“Hey, jackass!” You called out, holding up the keys he had left by the bar. “Five more minutes and I’m taking your bike and getting the fuck out of here.”

 

You couldn’t help your snappy tone; you were exhausted. Tired of fighting, tired of late nights at the Wyrm and trying to hold your composure in front of all your friends. Tired of fighting with the person you had once been head over heels for. You could barely remember how it felt when things were overwhelmingly warm and consuming, the days you had spent sinking into dark brown eyes and the smirk that would follow every word.

 

Sweet Pea’s gaze darkened as he stared down at you and you could practically feel the way Toni, Fangs, and Jughead exchanged wary looks.

 

“Seriously? What the fuck is your problem?” Sweet Pea bit out from the pool table, setting down the cue to stride closer, a few heads turning at the booming sound of his voice.

 

You stiffened, the heat of anger spreading over you, cheeks flushing as your boyfriend approach you. “My problem,” you responded in a low tone, “is that we were only supposed to be here for an hour, and instead we’ve been here for _four_ . You know I have to meet Betty early tomorrow, and you still convinced me to come stay at your place- _well it’s past midnight and we’re not even at your fucking place, Sweet Pea.”_

 

You somehow managed to sound bored and beyond pissed at the same time, leaning your back against the bar with one leg crossed over the other. Sweet Pea scoffed at your words, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“If you didn’t wanna come tonight, you didn’t have to. No one forced you too, sweetheart.”

 

“Guys,” Fangs broke in, taking a few steps closer to the two of you with a cautious expression. “Come on.”

 

“No, if she wants to air everything out in front of everyone here, let’s do it,” Sweet Pea practically announced, raising his hands up as he spoke. “All this because of your precious meeting with the Northsider. You just can’t wait to get away from us, can you Y/N?”

 

His referral to your meeting with Betty to discuss the school paper’s new edition made Jughead stiffen, a tired look gracing the boys features. “Dude, seriously? That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”

 

You were shaking your head, slamming Sweet Pea’s keys down onto the surface of the bar and standing up, gathering your bag and jacket from the chair next to you. “You’re such a fucking dick,” you spat out, “Betty hasn’t done a damn thing to you, and you always have to act like everyone at school is your worst enemy when we’ve been there for _months_ now. Sorry if I actually want to make something out of myself.”

 

You stomped away from the bar with a cold glare, ignoring Sweet Pea’s shout behind you. “Where the fuck are you going?!”

 

“Away from you,” you responded just as loudly, flipping him off over your shoulder and sliding your jacket on quickly, the air behind the Wyrm’s front door bringing goosebumps to your skin.

 

You could hear Sweet Pea ask Fangs to take his bike before loud footsteps were following behind you. Completely furious, you continued to walk as quickly as you could.

 

Sweet Pea followed you back to his place without a word, and even with the silence hanging over the two of you, you could hear the way he was fuming. It was mimicked in your own anger, the way your arms were crossed, the way you were trying to hold yourself together.

 

Your car was parked outside of Sweet Pea’s trailer but when you approached the small home you followed him inside, swallowing the lump in your throat and knowing your keys were on the coffee table.

 

You walked into the living room and set down your bag, staring at the floor and watching from the corner of your eye as Sweet Pea stopped in the center of the room, his figure towering over everything else.

 

“Just stay,” he finally muttered, his voice quiet and resigned.

 

You sighed heavily, running a hand through your hair and biting your tongue gently. You wanted to snap; you wanted to shout that you didn’t recognize either of you anymore.

 

“Sweets-”

 

“Just fucking stay,” he snapped, turning to face you with angry brown eyes, his brows furrowed in frustration. “Please, I.. Let’s just go to bed.”

 

“You really want to keep doing this?” You asked, letting your shoulders drop, the weight that had been on your shoulders feeling heavier than ever.

 

“Keep doing what?” Sweet Pea asked dryly, turning to face you from the entrance of the bedroom.

 

“Pretending that everything is okay!” You burst out loudly, your voice growing with emotion. “Fuck, Sweets. You and I both know that everything is not okay, and I can’t…” You trailed off, sighing in frustration and tugging at your hair, trying to pull yourself together.

 

“We just need a little space from each other,” Sweet Pea tried to defend, an uneasy look in his eyes. “You’re blowing everything out of proportion.”

 

“No, I’m not!” Your voice boomed through the small space of the trailer, a shout that was so unlike you. “All we do is fight and tear each other down. I’m sick of it, our friends our sick of it, and I know you are too, because you never want to be around me anymore.”

 

“Don’t put words in my fucking mouth. I never said that, and I don’t care what our goddamn friends think. This is between you and me, and whatever this is, we’ll deal with it.”

 

 _“How?!_ By ignoring each other and going to bed angry? What’s your solution here Sweets, because I don’t see one! Why do you just want to pretend everything’s okay?!”

 

“I’m not the one whose giving up on us,” he bellowed, whipping around to face you. “Things start getting hard and you just call it a fucking day, don’t you?”

 

“Fuck you!” You screamed, snatching your keys up from the coffee table with trembling hands.

 

You were heading towards the door but you paused, turning around with a watery glare. “Everything always has to be my fault when it comes to you, and I hate you for that. I hate you for making me doubt every single thing I do.”

 

He was quiet for a moment and you watched as he clenched his fists, swallowing and jerking his head away from you, like he couldn’t bear to look at you right now. “If you walk out of that door, I’m done, and so is this relationship. I won’t chase after you, Y/N.” Sweet Pea informed you, his voice strained with tension as he watched you freeze by the doorway, your eyes hard as his sudden threat registered.

 

“Neither of us are who we were when we fell in love.” Your voice was almost a whisper, and you couldn’t meet Sweet Pea’s gaze, scared that you would burst into tears if you saw the betrayed look on his face.

 

“I guess we’re done.”

 

With those words you stepped out of the trailer, making your way to your car as quickly as you could before peeling out the trailer park, heading far away from the complete and utter destruction of your relationship.


	2. mania

 

_ Stage two: mania, a sudden rush of emotions, relief, euphoria.  _

 

After so many weeks of tension and fighting, it appeared that you were all cried out. Upon getting home, you almost expected yourself to be a sobbing mess, but other than a set of very shaky hands, it was almost like nothing had really happened. Maybe you had known that it was the end all along. Maybe it just hadn’t hit you yet, that the relationship you had been wrapped up in for more than a year had reached its expiration date, one that you had been unable to read until now. 

 

You crept into your room and slid into your bed soundlessly, closing your eyes and welcoming the reprieve of sleep, absentmindedly hoping for dreams free of a familiar ex lover.

 

* * *

 

The next morning your combined lack of sleep and sadness over the previous night left you in a terrible mood, dark circles hanging beneath your eyes as you hurried around your house, trying to make it in time for first period after having rescheduled your meeting with Betty.  

 

Despite your best efforts, you were still late as you rushed through the empty corridors, clutching onto your phone and large thermos of coffee, eyes carefully peering around the halls every time you turned. You regretted not skipping the entire day- the idea of seeing Sweet Pea was making your chest tight with nerves. But the last thing you wanted to do was completely fall apart after a breakup, despite how bad you were hurting inside.

 

You carefully opened the door to the science lab, scrunching up your face as you moved as quietly as you could. It was a futile effort, because the second you stepped into the room Mr. Richardson was glancing over his shoulder at you, eyes immediately zoning in on the coffee you were clearly trying to hide.

 

“You know the rules Ms. (L/N),” he reprimanded with an eye roll, likely exhausted with giving this lecture to every student. “No food or drink in the lab.” 

 

You huffed in annoyance, adjusting your bag and still standing by the entrance. “I’m not going to spill it,  _ I swear _ . If you don’t let me drink this coffee, you’re only increasing my chances of falling asleep halfway through the class.” 

 

Mr. Richardson didn’t even look up from the whiteboard he was writing on. “Toss it or take it outside and get marked absent, it’s your choice.” 

 

Pausing where you were, you glanced between the coffee and the door for a few seconds before shrugging, hearing Toni’s chuckles from the back of the room, a quiet murmur escaping your lips. “Fuck it.”

 

You brought the cup to your mouth and tilted your head backwards, proceeding to chug the remainder of the coffee as quickly as you could, too tired to be bothered by the stares of your classmates, snickers filling the air as Mr. Richardson turned around only to see you downing the entire drink. 

 

“Always the creative one,” he muttered, looking vaguely amused when you gave him a mock sugary sweet smile before setting the thermos down against the wall, striding to the back of the room and plopping down beside Toni and Cheryl with a sigh. 

 

“You good?” Toni asked, looking both amused as concerned as she watched you drop your head onto the table. 

 

Your answer was a quiet muffled groan, and when you brought your head back up you immediately decided to rip off the metaphorical bandaid, telling her the truth rather than dragging it on.

 

“Sweet Pea and I broke up.” 

 

“ _ What _ ?!” She blurted out her response loudly and Cheryl snorted from beside her, shaking her head.

 

“Ms. Topaz, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re merely intrigued by the cell structure,” Mr. Richardson called out from the front of the room, raising a brow at the pink haired girl beside you.

 

“Yes sir, the mitochondria is thrilling,” Toni answered dryly, waiting a few moments for the lesson to go on before turning to look at you with wide eyes. 

 

“It appears you owe me 10 dollars, cheri,” Cheryl commented quietly, leaning closer so her girlfriend would hear her.

 

You raised a brow and watched as Toni gave Cheryl a stern glare, her eyes still wide with surprise.  _ “Cheryl!” _

 

“Did you bet that Sweets and I would break up?” You asked in a doubtful murmur, watching as Toni shook her head, an expression of guilt gracing her pretty features. 

 

“Cheryl did,” she muttered in explanation, the girl beside her giving you an almost apologetic look. 

 

“Sorry, Y/N, but I know when the end is near, and it’s been a long time coming. If it’s any consolation you can do much better than that leather clad sasquatch.” 

 

Cheryl’s blase tone made your mouth drop open, and you looked straight ahead at the textbook in front of you, not really taking in the information as you went over her words, trying to ignore the way your stomach was twisting uncomfortably as you wondered how clear it had been that the love between you and Sweet Pea had ran its course. 

 

“Y/N,” Toni whispered from beside you, setting a hand on your arm. “What happened?”

 

You peeked up from your notes, seeing Mr. Richardson glaring at you for what was probably the fifth time already. Sighing, you shook your head. 

 

“We’ll talk later.” 

 

* * *

After first period your morning classes didn’t include Toni, Fangs, or Sweet Pea, so you blissfully allowed yourself to get lost in drawn out lessons, taking thorough notes and trying to keep yourself from thinking about him. 

 

When the bell rang for lunch, you found yourself utterly unsure of what to do. You knew Toni would want to speak to you but you didn’t know how to find her without running into Sweet Pea as well. With a sigh, you decided to skip out on lunch, heading to the student lounge in hopes of more caffeine. 

 

Nodding at a few familiar faces in the hallway, you were relieved when you approached the familiar room, waiting for a large group of students to exit as you tried to gaze over their shoulders.

 

The second your eyes met a familiar form, towering of your two friends with that same lock of hair curling over his forehead, you felt your stomach drop, unease and a bitter sense of hurt replacing any other emotion. 

 

You knew that you two had broken up. You knew it was over. But somehow you hadn’t expected to feel such an ache in your chest. Your body had settled into a routine, and a part of you was ready to take a series of steps into the room, leading you into his arms and leaning against his chest like you had so many times before. 

 

You tightened your fingers around the strap of your backpack, still standing in the doorway and debating on what to do before you sighed and walked away, missing the moment they all glanced upwards and caught sight of your exiting form. 

 

Despite knowing that you could easily find people to sit with in the courtyard or the cafeteria, you let your feet lead you to your locker before you slid to the floor, leaning your back against the cool metal surface with a heavy sigh.

 

When your phone beeped, you half expected it to be Sweet Pea. Your heart sank when you realized it was just Fangs, and curiosity motivated you to open the text. 

 

fogarty:  _ get back here you coward  _

fogarty:  _ what, you and pea break up and suddenly you don’t wanna see your buddy fangs?  _

 

You chuckled at the texts, typing out a response as a set of footsteps approached you in your peripheral vision. 

 

_ come on fangs, even i know that sweet pea comes first in your world. it’s okay, i’ll find you later. can’t get rid of me that easily.  _

 

Immediately recognizing the platform combat boots, you leaned back against the locker, peering up at Toni with a tired smile. 

 

“Hey, girl.” She murmured, giving you the same grin mixed with a glimmer of sympathy. 

 

“If you wanna share this lovely piece of floor with me you’re going to have to wipe that sympathetic look off your face,” you warned, trying to give her a stern glare despite how terrible you felt.

 

Toni snorted and plopped down beside you with a word, handing you the coffee she had been hiding behind her back. “From the lounge, since you ghosted us so quick. And by the way, this isn’t sympathy. It’s love for my friend who is obviously going through it right now.” 

 

You laughed a watery laugh, blinking back the sudden onslaught of tears that had entered your eyes. “I don’t really know where to go from here.” 

 

Toni turned so she was leaning her side against the locker, facing you with her legs crossed underneath her. “You guys were together for a long time, I don’t think this is going to be easy for either of you. But you just have to remind yourself that maybe this is for the best.” 

 

You inhaled shakily and nodded, trying to keep your breathing under control as she spoke to you softly, her hand slipping into yours as she squeezed comfortingly. “How is he?” 

 

You couldn’t help but ask, it was almost instilled within you, to know how he was doing, to know if he needed your comfort by his side. You were unsure of how to let go of that habit. 

 

Toni sighed and shook her head, looking reluctant to tell you. “He’s just… Mad, I guess. At everything. I hate to say it, Y/N, but things between you guys weren’t the same as before. I loved you guys together, but I love you each of you separately, and none of us want to watch you guys destroy each other.” 

 

Listening to her gentle words, you felt a pang of guilt, thinking of how Sweet Pea always hid his feelings behind walls of anger. You felt even guiltier thinking of all the times your friends had watched you two snap at each other over little things, the tense air that had followed you for the past month. You knew Toni was right and you closed your eyes, leaning your head against the back of the locker. 

 

When the sound of rowdy laughter filled the space of the hallway you groaned, not even bothering to open your eyes or move from your pitiful position, already knowing it was just a gaggle of football players passing through the corridor. 

 

“Hey… Uhm, is she okay?” A voice asked out slowly, the footsteps slowing until they had paused in front of you and Toni.

 

“She’s fine, just uh… Meditating.” Toni explained hastily, sounding thoroughly amused when your eyes snapped open and you gave her a sarcastic glare. 

  
“Is that your way of saying she’s baked? Cause I want to get in on that,” Reggie practically announced with an eager smirk, taking in the redness of your eyes. 

 

You scoffed and glanced up at Reggie, Moose, and a few of their other teammates in front of you. “What do you need, Mantle?” 

 

“Party at Moose’s this weekend,” Reggie informed you with an excited grin, slapping a hand over his friends shoulder. 

 

“You down?” Moose asked you, far less obnoxious then his best friend. “We already invited Cheryl,” he informed Toni, both of them exchanging polite smiles. 

 

You were relieved that after so many months at Riverdale High the feud between the two sides of town had basically fizzled into nothing. The serpents and bulldogs weren’t necessarily best friends, but minus the occasional quarrel everyone got along just fine, and partying together was no longer a rarity, especially when everyone bonded over drinking games and the sloppy hook up culture of high school. 

 

“You have no excuses Y/N, I heard you and Sweetie Pie broke up,” Reggie drawled, wiggling his eyebrows up and down in a way that made you want to chuck your coffee at his head. 

 

“Never speak to me again,” you responded in a monotone voice, closing your eyes in lieu of ending the conversation, Toni and Moose snickering at whatever dramatically insulted look had proceeded to grace Reggie’s features. 

 

“She’ll be there,” Toni informed in a semi friendly voice, and you waited until their loud footballs had reached the other end of the hallway before smacking her shoulder lightly.

 

“I’m not in a party mood, T.” 

 

“You will be,” Toni informed you matter-of-factly, practically looking smug as she leaned back against the metal lockers. “There are 5 stages of a breakup, Y/N. You guys just got past denial. I don’t actually know all the stages, but I’m pretty sure that getting drunk is an important one.” 

 

You sighed heavily, taking a large sip of the coffee sitting beside you. “It’s going to get easier, I promise,” she informed you quietly, waiting until you gave her a small smile. “Isn’t a part of you a little relieved?” 

 

You paused thoughtfully, and as you pondered of her words, you found that once again your pink haired friend had made a fairly valid point. There was a small part of you, hidden beneath the sadness and longing that was more than ready to be doing with all the fighting. No more passive aggressive actions, deep sighs and slamming cabinets. No more shouting in the middle of the night, snapping at each other in practically every conversation. 

 

You resolved to hold onto that relieved feeling, rising onto your feet and surprising Toni as you hurriedly moved towards your locker.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Clicking the lock open and swinging the small metal frame open, you gestured to all the photos decorating the flat metal. You and Sweet Pea kissing at the quarry, Sweet Pea wearing a devilish smirk as he sat on his motorcycle, Sweet Pea carrying you in his arms, a bright grin on your face as he ran the two of you towards Sweetwater River. 

 

You jogged across the hallway to one of the nearby trash cans, dragging it over and letting a strong sense of determination fill you. You were going to keep moving forward, you were going to get past the feeling that begged you to sob on the floor or to make things right with him. 

 

Toni watched with wide eyes and you ran your hand over the locker, dropping every photo into the trash without hesitation. You didn’t stop there; you grabbed some of the clothes you had in your locker, most of them pieces that Sweet Pea had given you when they were too small for his broad form. You dropped each item in the trash can, following them with piles of notes the two of you had passed back and forth between classes, hasty plans and sneaky remarks about meeting in closets. 

 

When your locker was completely free of any reminder of the tall dark haired serpent, you wiped your hands against your jeans, sighing in relief and looking at Toni with a glimmer in your eyes. 

 

“I’m moving forward.” 


	3. anger

_ Stage three: anger, needing something or someone to blame, seeing them happy when you’re still broken-hearted.  _

 

The entire school week could be summarized in two words: painfully awkward. You had one class with just Sweet Pea, and on that same day he had walked in early and glared at some kid until he gave up his seat, putting him across the entire room, as if he suddenly believed he needed to be 20 students away from you at all times. It both infuriated you and relieved you because as much as you didn’t watch to admit it, you were scared of being close to him. You didn’t want to turn into two vengeful exes, and you most definitely didn’t want to fall into any old habits. 

 

When you had class with both Sweet Pea and Fangs, poor Fangs had looked utterly torn, standing at the front of the room and glancing between the two of you until the teacher had snapped at him to sit down. You had almost laughed at the apologetic look he had given you, taking a seat at Sweet Pea’s side while Jughead had dropped down next to you without a single care. 

 

That’s how it went. Your mutual friends tried to split their time between you and Sweet Pea, but the two of you were never together, avoiding each other at all costs. 

 

You hated every single second of it, until finally it was the weekend and Moose’s party had arrived, something Toni had repeatedly promised was exactly what you needed. 

 

“It’s the chance to have fun and blow off some steam! We’re going to have fun babe, trust me.” 

 

You let Toni talk you into wearing a black lace bodysuit that was more lingerie than clothing, low cut enough to reveal the intricate snake tattoo between your breasts, a small line tattoo that crept up in a place anyone rarely ever saw. You paired it with dark high waisted jeans and a pair of Toni’s boots, leaving your hair down in long waves and doing your makeup carefully.

 

As you applied a light layer of a dusty rose coloured lipstick, Toni watched from behind you, smirking as she checked out your outfit. “You look fucking amazing. I’ve never been so proud.” 

 

“I look like I’m about to do the serpent dance… Again,” you snorted, eyeing your own reflection warily, deciding the only thing you could do tonight was own your look and try to have a good time.

 

“Never a bad thing,” Toni shrugged with a mischievous grin, grabbing her jacket and tossing it over her outfit while you opted to leave yours home. “Cheryl just texted me that she’s here, let’s go.” 

 

You grabbed your phone and headed out, giving your reflection one last glance and hoping you could leave behind the sad heartbroken version of yourself for just one night. 

 

* * *

 

When you arrived at Moose’s house you were slightly taken aback, glancing around at the sheer amount of people, rap music blasting in the background as people danced under the darkened open spaces or played beer pong in the kitchen, various little cliques having conversations around each wall of the living room. 

 

“Guess the Northsiders know how to party,” you murmured, watching as Toni and Cheryl took off their jackets. 

 

“Alright ladies, since I’m your designated driver tonight I’m going to say this once- if you puke in my vehicle, you get kicked out of my vehicle,” Cheryl warned you and Toni, your lips quirking upward at the redheaded girl’s threatening glare. 

 

“You should be saying that to Fangs, he’s probably going to catch a ride with us and he never knows his limits,” you informed, trying to speak over the music before you headed towards the kitchen in hopes of alcohol, your eyes carefully searching the room as you dodged various figures.

 

“Hey!” Kevin called out, standing by the counter and pouring himself a drink while Fangs stood next to him, chatting away. Kevin’s eyes roamed over your outfit and he let out a low whistle, grinning at you in excitement. “Wow, Y/N, the post break-up glow is real tonight.” 

 

Fangs glanced up from his beer and raised his brows comically, smirking in approval. “Damn, mami, you let out the snake tattoo and everything.” 

 

You grinned at both of the boys, revelling in their appreciation and immediately going for the bottle of tequila on the counter, pouring a round of shots in a bunch of plastic cups. “Drink with me?”

 

Kevin and Fangs exchanged a look before shrugging and you smiled victoriously, pouring a fourth shot just as Toni entered the extravagant kitchen and found you, her fingers intertwined with Cheryl.

 

“Jose Cuervo?” She asked, an excited grin on her face as she nodded at Kevin and Fangs in greeting. “Fuck yes, girl.” 

 

“You guys have a thing for tequila?” Cheryl asked with a smirk, wrapping an arm around Toni’s waist and leaning against her. 

 

“Y/N gets freaky when she drinks tequila, it’s hilarious,” Fangs explained, ignoring your indignant scoff. 

 

“Not true! I just know how to have fun,” you corrected with an innocent shrug, passing around the shots.

 

“Cheers to a good fucking night,” Fangs announced, meeting everyone's eyes with an excited grin. 

 

You smiled just as broadly, bringing your cup to his before tossing the drink back, letting the bitter sting of alcohol warm you up for the night.  

 

The next hour flew by in a blur of strong drinks that made you wrinkle your nose, and dancing with Toni, the two of you luring in Veronica as well despite the fact that you had barely held more two conversations with the girl. It was the easy to laugh and dance with your hips pressed against hers; everyone became friends when they had been drinking. After dancing until a light sheen of sweat was covering your skin, you fanned yourself breathlessly, letting Veronica pull you away from the dance floor with a series of drunken giggles. 

 

“Ronnie,” you heard a voice call out, both of you turning around to see Archie approaching with a sweet smile.

 

Veronica let go of your hand and you watched as her face lit up, the petite girl still stepping gracefully in her heels as she tipped into her boyfriend’s arm. They both met in a sweet kiss that somehow felt too intimate too watch and you glanced away, swallowing the sick feeling that rose up, the way that looking at other people in love made you feel so alone, even when you were surrounded by so many others.  

 

By the time they pulled apart Reggie was heading towards you, tossing his arm over your shoulder and snickering when you shrugged it off immediately. “Damn, Y/N, I always wondered where your serpent tattoo was.” 

 

You flicked him on the forehead and snickered when his eyes moved from your chest and back up to your face, his mouth dropping open in annoyance. “Eyes up here, Mantle the Maniac.”

 

“You guys wanna play beer pong? We need two more people,” Archie explained, his arm still wrapped around Veronica’s waist.

 

“I’m game,” you chimed in, smirking and knowing you would surprise the group with your skills after winning so many games down at the quarry. 

 

“I don’t know Y/N, you’re already pretty drunk,” Veronica tried to warn, a snort escaping you as you brushed her off and stepped towards the table the boys had set up. 

 

“I’m with Y/N,” Reggie bellowed, following you with a mischievous smirk.

 

Peering out of the living room, you glanced around wondering where Toni had Fangs had gone too. You found the answer immediately, seeing the two of them laughing wildly with Sweet Pea, all three of them in a conversation with Kevin and Jughead. The sight of Sweet Pea brought back that feeling of longing, and somehow it was only intensified in your drunken state, your eyes roaming over the way his arms looked in his dark green flannel, a smirk on his face as he leaned against the wall with a drink in his hand. It had only been six days without him, and you missed him so much that it hurt. It was the first time in ages that you weren’t drunkenly curling into his side, his large hands steadying you and planting kisses on your skin. 

 

“Y/N, it’s your turn,” Veronica called out, breaking your train of thought and watching as you blinked rapidly, pulling your gaze away from the tall serpent. 

 

She gave you a knowing look and you sighed, grabbing the plastic ball from Reggie’s hand and tossing it effortlessly, watching as it sank straight into one of the cups. 

 

“Oh fuck yes,” Reggie crowed, gathering the attention of a few others in the kitchen, a laugh spilling out of his lips. “We’re going to wipe the floor with you two.” 

 

Despite how annoying you found him, Reggie’s excitement was contagious and you laughed loudly, watching as Veronica narrowed her eyes at Reggie. 

 

As the game continued it ended up being closer than you had expected; while Veronica was fairly good, Archie’s balance was off after having to chug so many beers, leaving her to carry their team as you and Reggie continued to kill it.

 

With each shot she sunk in, you chugged drink after drink, wrinkling your nose at the taste of cheap beer and trying to hold your balance as the dizzy feeling in your head intensified. 

 

You were down to the last round and by now a small crowd had gathered to watch, Veronica’s friends all crowding around her and placing bets while some of the serpents leaned against the wall, smirking as they watched you eye the last cup on Veronica’s side, already knowing you had it.  

 

“You got it, Y/N!” You heard a loud voice scream drunkenly, peering up on the tips of your toes to see Fangs shouting his support all the way from the living room, Sweet Pea meeting your eyes for a moment as Toni smacked Fangs’ arm. 

 

You looked away abruptly, focusing on the game in front of you before making your shot, watching in anticipation as the ball hit the rim of the cup and circled the top for a moment before falling inside. 

 

The kitchen exploded into roars and you laughed wildly, squealing as Reggie wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up from behind you, spinning the two of you around wildly and cheering rambunctiously. 

 

You were still laughing breathlessly when he set you down and you gave him a high five, both of you grinning as Veronica and Archie congratulated you mockingly. 

 

“Fuck,” you giggled, stumbling into the table slightly as the room tilted, the alcohol in your system hitting you hard. 

 

A few hands steadied you, various serpents that recognized you helping you steady yourself. You thanked them in a kind murmur and exited the kitchen, still laughing as you heard Archie challenge Reggie to a rematch as you looked around for Toni, hoping she would sit down with you until the room stopped spinning. 

 

The sight you were met with was one that made your whole stomach drop and you froze, watching as Sweet Pea leaned against the same wall, a pretty blonde girl leaning towards him with a soft flirtatious smile. You couldn’t see his face but you could see the way he brushed his fingers over her arm, and you felt a hot wave of anger roll over you, hearing the loud boom of his laugh. 

 

“What the fuck,” you muttered angrily, turning around furiously and smacking straight into someone’s chest.

 

“Jesus, Y/N,” Reggie snickered, catching onto your shoulders and steadying you. 

 

He stopped laughing when he caught sight of your flushed cheeks and the angry look in your eyes, glancing over your shoulder and watching as Sweet Pea and the girl continued conversing with very little space between them.

 

Reggie winced, giving you a look that you assumed was supposed to convey sympathy. “That’s rough. Wanna make out to spite him?” 

 

You scoffed and pushed at his chest, a laugh spilling out his lips as you tried to step around him but only proceeded to stumble closer to the ground. 

 

“Okay, fuck, where are your friends? I think you need to go home,” Reggie said in amusement, steadying you once again and watching as you shook your head rapidly.

 

“I’m fine,” you murmured, glancing over your shoulder and narrowing your eyes when the girl put her hand on Sweet Pea’s chest. “I just need to get out of here before I rip someone’s fucking head off.” 

 

Reggie snorted, nodding towards the stairs across the room. “You want me to show you one of the guest rooms? Moose won’t care you if lay down and I’ll tell Topaz where you are.” 

 

You nodded in agreement, the thought of a solid surface to lay down on just as appealing as the thought of getting away from Sweet Pea. 

 

Leaning into Reggie so you didn’t wipe out completely, you let him lead you to the stairs, your mind still wandering as you carefully moved step by step, the same thought repeating in your mind. Sweet Pea was already moving on. You tried to focus on your anger instead of the tears that kept pooling in your eyes, oblivious to the eyes on you as Reggie and you headed upstairs. 

 

As soon as he brought you to the guest room -muttering words of relief that you two hadn’t walked in on anyone hooking up- you flopped onto the bed, burying your face in the nearest pillow. 

 

You heard Reggie’s chuckles and turned onto your side, eyeing him as he sat on the edge of the bed, leaving a decent amount of space between the two of you.

 

“You’re not going to cry, are you?” 

 

You rolled your eyes and tossed a pillow at his head, watching as he snickered and set the pillow on the backboard, getting comfortable across the bed.  

 

“Who starts moving on less than a week after a breakup?” You ranted out loud, staring at the ceiling and trying to stop picturing Sweet Pea with that girl. “We dated for over a year. How the fuck do you do that to someone?” 

 

Reggie watched you ramble with his eyebrows raised, not interrupting as the words spilled out of your mouth. “God this sucks. I wouldn’t even be able to talk to other guys if I wanted to because he’s  _ still  _ all I think about. Do you know how fucking hard that is, Reggie? Not being able to get someone off your mind?” 

 

Reggie snorted, leaning his head back with a withdrawn expression you had never seen on his face. “You have no clue.” 

 

You paused and stared at him in surprise, waiting for him to elaborate. “Yeah?”

 

There was a brief moment of quiet before he exhaled heavily, shaking his head. “I’m drunk. I don’t know, I just… Yeah, it fucking sucks to want someone you can’t have. When you know you shouldn’t.”

 

For a moment you were terrified he was talking about you, but the faraway expression on his face told you otherwise and you laid there in confusion, thinking of other girls Reggie interacted with before it dawned over you. There was only one other girl you had seen Reggie treat with a single ounce of respect, and she was the girlfriend of the host of the party.

 

“Holy shit… Do you have a thing for Midge?!” 

 

Reggie’s eyes snapped open and he sat up slightly, mouth dropping open as he stared at you. “Wha-  _ No _ . Shut up, you’re drunk. Just… Go to sleep. This is a dream.”

 

You couldn’t help it; a snort escaped your mouth and then you were giggling wildly, watching his cheeks darken. “Wow, we are truly pathetic. I’m a mess over my ex boyfriend and you have a thing for your best friend’s girl.”

 

Reggie was quiet before he groaned loudly, settling back down with a grumpy look. “What the hell is wrong with us?” 

 

You snickered and it wasn’t long before he was laughing as well, tilting his head to exchange a look of amusement with you, the two of you mystified by the way the conversation had gone. 

 

“Alright,” Reggie muttered, hopping up from the bed and brushing his clothes off. “I gotta get back out there so I can find a cutie to take home.” 

 

You rolled your eyes, not moving as he started to fix his hair in front of the mirror before glancing back at you. “You good? Do you want me to get Toni or Cheryl?” 

 

You waved him away, shaking your head, knowing your mind was still in a messy haze. “I’ll come down when I don’t feel like puking or punching someone in the face.”

 

Reggie snorted before opening the door of the room just as someone stormed towards it, a dark expression on their familiar features.

 

You sat up in confusion when you didn’t hear the door close, watching with wide eyes as Sweet Pea shoved Reggie against the wall in a swift movement, your mouth dropping open in surprise. _ “What the hell, Pea?!” _

 

“You like taking advantage of drunk girls?!” Sweet Pea practically snarled, his fingers wrapping around the collar of Reggie’s shirt. 

 

You dove off the bed, yelping as you fell straight on your ass before crawling back up and tugging at Sweet Pea’s arms. “We were just talking! Jesus, let him go Sweet Pea.” 

 

Your words made him loosen his grip and Reggie immediately shoved him backwards, glaring at him in annoyance before giving you a nod and walking out of the room. Your eyes narrowed and you felt your face flushing with anger. Taking a step forward and slamming the door so no one would hear you absolutely lose your mind, you turned to give Sweet Pea a glare. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

 

Sweet Pea scoffed, taking a step back to pace the room, making a show of putting some distance between the two of you. “Me?! What’s wrong with you? Getting shitfaced and then letting some jock take you upstairs.”

 

You had to pause, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath through your nose, feeling the urge to scream and cry all at once, your emotions making you tremble. “He brought me upstairs because I was about to lose my mind watching you flirt with that girl downstairs.”

 

Sweet Pea stopped pacing, turning around and meeting your eyes with an exasperated expression, somehow still tinged with guilt as he took in your heartbroken look. “That’s not- we were just talking, Y/N.”

 

You laughed softly, a sound dry and free of any amusement. “And so were Reggie and I, so I guess we’re all good here. We can go back to being exes who avoid each other at all costs.” 

 

Sweet Pea swallowed, eyes running over your familiar form and twitching as if he wanted to be closer to you. Even then, his words were cold. “What do you want to do, Y/N? You’re the one that walked out of the trailer.” 

 

“Because I was tired of fighting with you!” You burst out loud, your hands raising in the air as you exploded. “And as always, I guess that’s on me. Is that what you told everyone, that I broke your heart and walked out on you?” 

 

Your words were low and angry and his eyes snapped up to meet yours, fierce with aggravation. “It’s not far from the truth, is it?” 

 

“You’re such a fucking coward,” the words spilled out of your mouth just as quickly as alcohol had spilled down your throat all night, a sarcastic laugh escaping your lips. “You wouldn’t admit that it was the end for us and now you won’t even admit that you were going to fuck that girl tonight.” 

 

Sweet Pea slammed his hand against the wall, the sound barely making you jump as you glowered at him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re too busy playing games with the Northsiders and acting like you’re one of them.”

 

He strode up to you in the blink of an eye, his long legs carrying him across the room till he was right in front of you, his large form towering of you as he lowered his head down, his breath hot against your ear. “Here’s the truth, sweetness. You’re never going to be one of them.” 

 

His hand was just barely brushing against the snake tattoo on your chest, and you slapped it away, your neck straining as stared up at him in annoyance. “Fuck you, Sweet Pea.”

 

He was so close to you that you could smell his familiar scent; dark and woodsy like moss and leather, your eyes fluttering shut as he moved closer to you, your heart pounding against your chest, the adrenaline of screaming at him still racing through you. 

 

“I hate you,” you whispered, voice trembling as you kept your eyes shut tightly, still feeling how close he was, his form trapping yours against the door, your senses filled with everything made up of him. 

 

“Tell me stop,” Sweet Pea urged, his voice throaty and low and tinged with something broken. “Tell me to leave and I’ll go.” 

 

You opened your eyes, finding his face only inches away from yours, both of your chests rising and falling with each heavy breath. It only took a moment of meeting one another’s eyes, a flash of longing that you could feel all the way to the tips of your toes, and suddenly your mouths were meeting in a hot kiss. 

 

The two of you moved in sync, every touch so familiar it made you ache inside, a feeling colored with dark grief and your feverish need to feel his skin against yours. Sweet Pea’s hands slid down to your thighs the same moment you grasped at his shoulders, a gasp leaving your mouth as he lifted you, your legs wrapping around his waist just as he pushed you on top of the nearby dresser, various objects clattering to the floor. 

 

There were no soft or gentle kisses; your lips moulded together like you knew it would be the last time, Sweet Pea’s hands tangling in your hair so he could tilt your head back, deepening the kiss with a swipe of his tongue. 

 

You moaned breathlessly at the feeling of him, hands rising so you could hurriedly unbutton his shirt, tugging it off his form without hesitation and letting him help you peel off your jeans, his eyes darkening as he took in your lace bodysuit and the snake tattoo peeking through the top. . 

 

As you took in the sight of his bare chest, your fingers wrapped around his dog tags so you could pull him back towards your mouth. In the back of your mind there was a voice telling you how wrong this was, how this was the last thing you should’ve been doing.

 

But Sweet Pea’s teeth against your collarbone felt so good, and when he lifted you and carried you to the bed, your legs had automatically parted, mouth dropping open in a silent moan when his hands pulled off the remainder of your clothing and his lips found the spot between your legs, your fingers clenching around the sheets beneath you, back arching like your body was no longer under your control. 

 

You couldn’t bring yourself to care about anything but the boy intertwined with you, nails digging into his back when you were as close as you could be, relishing in the way he moaned into the skin of your neck, only to surprise him by pulling apart and crawling on top of him with hungry eyes so you could sink onto him the way you had so many times, running your hands down the warm skin of his chest. 

 

You didn’t want him to forget how good you could make him feel, and you knew he was doing just the same, both of you leaning into the anger and the passion, the smouldering stare on his face determined to hear your loudest cries, tongue tracing patterns into the places on your skin that only he had ever known of. 

 

You fell into your release the way you had fallen in love with him, recklessly and hazily tumbling over the edge, Sweet Pea following with his hands wrapped around your hips in a bruising grip, both of you breathing heavily as you rode out the blissful feeling, only to feel it melt away as you dropped onto opposite sides of the bed. 

 

The room was silent other than the sounds of your heavy breathing and you could feel your heart beating quickly in your chest, a sheen of sweat covering your skin as you stared at the ceiling. When you turned your head to the side, eyes meeting his and seeing him mirroring your look of hesitation, you knew that you had made a mistake. 

 

And just like that it was like you were back to stage one. 


	4. depression

_ Stage four: sadness and depression, finally feeling the weight of everything, accepting the situation but wondering if you’ll ever feel love like that again. _

The next morning you woke up to a pounding skull and a sense of complete dread, sighing heavily as you propped yourself up on the bed, moving slowly in case your body decided to hit you with a wave of nausea. When you didn’t immediately feel the need to empty your stomach, you headed to the bathroom, brushing your teeth and taking in the sight of your makeup free face in surprise. 

 

You realized that after the ordeal with Sweet Pea and hurriedly getting dressed to head back downstairs, you had found Toni who had seen the look on your face and decided that it was time to go home. 

 

Despite Fangs’ best efforts, Sweet Pea had disappeared so he had joined you and Toni in Cheryl’s car, none of them judging you when you had quietly started to cry, feeling nauseous and empty inside while your head pounded as the immediate effects of the alcohol wore off. 

 

You remembered Toni and Cheryl leading you into your room where you had proceeded to curl up into your bed, only getting up when Toni coaxed you to change out of your clothes. Staring at the familiar shirt that practically reached your knees, you swallowed the lump in your throat, wishing you had put on anything else. After Toni had removed your makeup with a gentle wipe, her and Cheryl had went home, Fangs settling down on your couch for the night. 

 

Peering at your reflection in the mirror, your eyes wandered over to the mark between your collarbone and your neck, and as you lifted the shirt and peeked at the inside of your thigh, you found another one matching the purplish hue. 

 

You wished that it was just a dream, something that your mind had conjured up after a night of drinking instead of another mistake you had made, giving into your urges and need for affection. You wished it had been anyone else, but even now you knew Sweet Pea was the only person you had wanted last night. 

 

Shaking your head with a pathetic frown, you stumbled out of your bedroom, amusement setting in when you saw Fangs sprawled out on the couch, his arm hanging off the edge. 

 

You crept by him before popping a painkiller and getting started on making some coffee, pulling out a few boxes of cereal for when Fangs inevitably woke up. As you scrolled through your phone you made sure to text Toni and Cheryl a few thank you messages, feeling appreciative that your friends had taken care of you when you found yourself at what surely felt like rock bottom.

 

As soon as the smell of coffee was wafting through the the small space you could hear Fangs getting up, grumbling quietly as he headed into the kitchen and found you plopped down on top of the counter. 

 

“Morning,” Fangs rasped out with a yawn, eagerly grabbing the nearest box of cereal and tossing a handful into his mouth, a snort escaping you as he did so.

 

“Hey, thanks for dealing with my emotional shit last night,” you murmured after a few moments, sliding him a cup of coffee as a token of kindness, Fangs grinning at the embarrassed look on your face. 

 

“I don’t know what went down but I hope you know I tried to stop Sweet Pea when he was storming upstairs.”

 

You shook your head at the reminder of last night’s events, shutting your eyes and leaning your head against the cabinet behind you. Somehow the reminder of the way you had lost yourself in Sweet Pea’s touch made you feel worse than your hangover did, the way you had caved in so easily the second he had leaned in closer to you. 

 

Fangs raised a brow, an expression of concern easing over his features. “You want to talk about it?” 

 

His question was kind but somehow it only made your eyes prickle with the beginning of a wave of tears. You swallowed and gave yourself a moment before shaking your head again, feeling utterly hopeless. “I’m going to try to talk to Sweet Pea today but…” 

 

“...You never know how it’ll go with the two of you,” he finished with a knowing look, appearing pained by everything that was weighing each of you down. “Look I’m not going to tell you what to do, but you know- both of you know- that you can’t keep going on like this. I love you guys and seeing you two spiral like this is… God, it’s fucking rough.” 

 

You nodded shakily, taking in his words with a watery expression and letting out a soft laugh when he opened his arms up dramatically, stepping backwards and beckoning you closer. “Bring it in to Papa Fangs.” 

 

“Please never call yourself that again,” you muttered with a snort, hopping off the counter and leaning forward into Fangs’ arms, his tight hug bringing you just the right amount of comfort and familiarity, even as the internal battle within you continued to rage back and forth. You knew what you had to do, and you were stepping back as soon as Fangs released you, grabbing your phone and typing out a text to Sweet Pea.

 

**_Can I come over? I think we should talk._ **

 

* * *

Sweet Pea had been slow to answer, texting you and agreeing to talk by the time the sky had darkened and the evening had approached. You tried to be confident; you had known him for what felt like ages, and dated for so long. It felt so strange, approaching his trailer and locking your car with shaky hands, your stomach turning with nerves as you took a deep breath outside of his door.

 

Bringing your hand to the door, you knocked softly, something you hadn’t even done when the two of you had just been friends. It felt awkward and wrong, but the idea of just walking in felt even more so. 

 

You were trying to ignore the ache in your chest, your fingers tingling with the biting sting of anxiety when Sweet Pea opened the door. His appearance almost matched yours; dark circles framing tired eyes, his hair a mess and his comfiest clothes covering his tall form. It made you ache inside but you swallowed the feeling down, putting an awkward smile on your lips. 

 

“Hey.” 

 

He cleared his throat, nodding encouragingly. “Hey, uh, come inside, it’s cold.”

 

Sniffing nervously you stepped into the trailer, eyeing the messy state of the open living room in surprise. Sweet Pea had never been overly clean, but he was more organized than most boys your age. The sight of cans on the coffee table and pillows and clothing around the room made you stop in surprise before continuing on, settling down on the couch and crossing your legs underneath you nervously.

 

Sweet Pea sat down on the chair across from you and you raised an eyebrow, unable to help yourself. “You need that much distance between us, huh?” 

 

“After last night I’d say we need more than this,” he muttered, lips twitching upwards as his eyes met yours.

 

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you, both of you letting a bit of the tension melt away as you shook your heads at each other, soft chuckles filling the space of the trailer. 

 

“God this is just…” He trailed off, shaking his head and you snorted. 

 

“Hell?” You offered, leaning your back against the couch, letting your arms drop over your legs. 

 

“Yep,” Sweet Pea affirmed, settling back against the chair as well, his legs spreading out as he appeared to relax slightly, though the way his knee bounced told you otherwise. 

 

You both laughed softly and as the air between you grew quiet again, heavy with something that felt final and poignant. 

 

“Do you remember the first time we kissed?” 

 

Your words were a timid murmur, but the Sweet Pea heard you all the same, an embarrassed grin lighting up his features. 

 

“We got into that argument at the Wyrm… I don’t even remember what it was about and then you dragged me to FP’s office,” he began, eyes dancing with amusement. “You kissed me in the middle of my sentence.” 

 

Your small smile broadened into a grin and you nodded proudly. “Then FP walked in on us making out and we thought we were going to get our asses kicked.” 

 

Sweet Pea laughed that loud booming laugh that you loved so much, and it made you giggle as well, warmth settling over you as the two of you shared a moment free of anger for the first time in so long. “Little did we know all he was going to do was yell about how we made him lose the bet and aggressively give Tallboy a 20.” 

 

“It was a good kiss though,” you teased, smiling at the memory of Sweet Pea freezing when you had leaned onto the tips of your toes, gripping the collar of his flannel to pull him down to your height before bringing his lips to yours. He had been so surprised for a moment, but as soon you had began to nervously pull away he had snapped into action, sliding his arms around your waist so he could lift you up. 

 

“It was,” he agreed quietly, his smile dimming as his eyes unfocused. “That’s when everything was just… Good.” 

 

You let your own small fall, blinking rapidly as you lowered your gaze to the floor, trying to get your thoughts together. “I love you, Pea. You know that right? Even with all the fighting and how fucking chaotic we got. I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I can’t imagine not caring about you.” 

 

When he raised his eyes you weren’t completely surprised to see them swimming in tears as well, and you watched as he stood, stepping across the small living room to sit beside you, facing you as he nodded. 

 

“I know, Y/N. Trust me, I know.” His words were shaky and he shut his eyes tightly, breathing in slowly before opening them. 

 

You leaned forward to wipe the tear that had escaped, feeling your own tears drip down your face. 

 

“I don’t like who I’ve turned into, possessive and mean and just not like myself,” he revealed to you, his voice raw and gravelly. You nodded in agreement, knowing exactly how he felt. 

 

“Both of losing our temper over every little thing,” you murmured, sniffing and wiping your face. 

 

“I don’t want this to be the end,” he said softly, grabbing your hand and squeezing softly. His words were harder to hear than you had expected, and you brought your hand up to your face, feeling your chest shake with the sobs that were building up. “I don’t know how to do any of this without you.” 

 

“I know,” you choked out, your voice breaking as you sniffed once again. “I know, Pea. Me neither. I didn’t think this was how we would… I just didn’t think this would happen.” 

 

He watched you cry with pained eyes, biting the inside of his cheek before caving in and leaning closer, gathering you in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his waist, feeling so at home in his familiar embrace, leaning into his chest and closing your eyes as you felt his shoulders shake.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into your hair, tightening his hold around you. “I love you.” 

 

You felt like your entire chest was caving in and you held him just as tight, trying to ease his pain and your own, not ready to let go and face an existence free of his kisses and nights curled into one another. 

 

You gave yourself a few more seconds, counting down in your head before pulling away, wiping your face with the sleeves of your shirt and knowing you probably looked like a complete wreck. Sweet Pea’s eyes were rimmed red, his hair mussed as he kept one arm around you, rubbing your back.

 

“This is for the best, right? We have to end this before we get to a point where we can’t even be in each others lives,” you sniffled, trying to reassure yourself as you explained it to him. 

 

“I know,” he rasped, dropping his hand from your back and bringing it to his hair, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath. “I know.” 

 

You sighed heavily, leaning forward and cupping his face, closing your eyes when he leaned forward, his forehead against yours. “It was a good year. We had so many good moments, Pea. We’re going to be okay.” 

 

You were both still a mess of emotions, even as your lips met in a soft and deep kiss, his hand sliding around the back of your neck so he could hold you closer. It somehow felt like home and heartache at the same time and you tried to block everything out, breathing shakily when you pulled apart. 

 

You had reached the end. Despite the fact that the two of you had seen it coming all this time, it didn’t erase the disbelief or the despair. And all you could do was lean into his touch until it was time to go. 


	5. acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the final part, in which the reader and sweet pea reach the last stage.

_ Stage five: acceptance, wanting the best for them, looking at them and it doesn’t hurt, being able to return to a certain form of normalcy.  _

 

You pursed your lips together tightly, kneeling on the sticky floor of the Wyrm, nose wrinkled as you all tried to stay quiet in the darkness of the bar. 

 

When you heard a soft thud, followed by a whispered curse, you glanced up and watched as Sweet Pea tried to steady himself for the second time, struggling to stay balanced. A giggle rose up before you could stop it and you slapped a hand over your mouth, trying to muffle the laughter that was quickly bubbling up.

 

“Y/N!” Jughead hissed, glaring at you from where he was crouched by a bar stool beside Betty. “Keep it together.” 

 

You shut your eyes and leaned forward, your body shaking with laughter as you heard Sweet Pea try to hide a snort, a noise followed by a flood of his own chuckles. 

 

“She always gets the giggles at the worst times,” Sweet Pea whispered with amused eyes, watching as you tried to pull yourself together.

 

“And they’re always contagious,” Toni snickered, dropping down next to you and nudging you softly. “Kevin just texted me, they should be here any second.” 

 

You sucked in a slow breath, wiping the tears that had gathered in the corners of your eyes. “Phew, okay. I’m okay. We got this.” 

 

“They need to hurry up, this floor probably hasn’t been cleaned properly in months,” Toni muttered, clutching onto your arm so she didn’t have to touch anything else.

 

“Says the only one of us that works here,” Sweet Pea pointed out, rolling his eyes just as a voice floated in through the open door at the entrance.

 

“Are you sure about this Kev? I mean this isn’t really your scene…” Fangs was saying, sounding slightly amused by what you assumed was Kevin’s reluctant expression as the two headed into the bar. 

 

“Yes, but it is yours,” Kevin remarked, stopping the two of them on cue. “And today’s your day.”

 

“Why is it so dark?”

 

Hog Eye flipped on the lights and everyone shot up in unison, screaming loudly at the familiar serpent who was standing in the entrance way, an expression of alarm gracing his features. 

 

_ “Surprise!”  _

 

Fangs stumbled back into Kevin in surprise, his mouth dropping open as he glanced around the room full of people. For a moment he looked utterly confused, and then a wide smile took over and you exchanged a proud look with your friends. 

 

“Holy shit you guys,” Fangs laughed breathlessly, turning to face Kevin who grinned widely. “Is this all for me?” 

 

“It’s your birthday Fogarty!” Sweet Pea boomed, pulling Fangs into a hug, both of them chuckling and patting each other’s back. 

 

“Happy birthday Fangs,” you murmured with a sweet smile, leaning forward to hug him next, laughing softly at the shock that still lingered over his features. 

 

* * *

You glanced around the room with a proud smile, it was a sight you had never expected to see. The room was filled with every young serpent as well as a handful of older serpents who dropped by to celebrate. The surprising part though, was the amount of Northsiders you and Toni had invited. Out of all the serpent's Fangs was one with the most Northside friends since he had started working on the school productions with Kevin. It had taken some convincing after Hog Eye and Tallboy had been so against letting any non serpents enter the familiar bar, but Sweet Pea had backed you up and now you were all here. Someone started up the music, a playlist Toni had been in charge of creating, full of Fangs’ favorite songs that just happened to fit the bar setting seamlessly, and the lights you had strung up created a pretty neon atmosphere that lit up the dim lighting of the Wyrm. 

 

“Y/N!” Toni shouted from the makeshift dance floor she had created. “Get over here!” 

 

You paused for a second, taking in the familiar song that you and your friends had sang along to at the quarry several times. You let out a soft laugh, setting your drink down and joining Toni, both of you shouting the lyrics and twirling each other around. You spotted Fangs and nudged Toni, still swaying along to the loud indie song. Exchanging a mischievous look, you both rushed over and you grabbed onto Fangs while she grabbed Kevin, before calling out to Sweet Pea and Jughead.

 

All your friends found their way to the floor and everyone was jumping around crazily, holding onto their drinks and shouting the words. _“Take me to your best friend’s house, going round this roundabout, oh yeah!”_

 

You squealed as Fangs lifted you up, spinning you around with a drunk smile. _“Take me to your best friend’s house, I loved you then, I love you now, oh yeah!”_

 

Fangs set you down and you gasped for breath, laughing hysterically at the looks you and your friends were getting. You watched as Jughead cracked a smile, twirling Betty under his arm, and Sweet Pea wore a cheesy grin, tossing his arm around Fangs’ shoulder while his other hand raised his beer into the air. 

 

When the song ended you all laughed breathlessly, applauding each other as Fangs bowed down jokingly. You were still giggling as you headed back to the bar, fanning your face and pouring a glass of water from one of the pitchers. 

 

Someone grabbed the glass pitcher after you, and your eyes found the dark lines of a familiar tattoo. You smiled at Sweet Pea, raising a brow as he switched to water. “Done drinking already?” 

 

He chuckled, brushing his hair out of his face and leaning back against the bar. “Just taking it slow. Someone’s going to have to take care of Fangs.” 

 

He nodded at the birthday boy, and as your eyes found Fangs still dancing with Toni and Kevin, you both shared a quiet laugh. 

 

“We did good, right? I’m surprised we pulled this off. I really thought you’d cave and tell him.”

 

Sweet Pea gave you a look of mock offense, putting his hand over his chest. “Please, Y/N. A little faith would be nice.” 

 

You snickered at the look on his face before setting down your glass of water, pushing your hair over your shoulders. “I’m going to go grab the cake, keep an eye on him, yeah? It won’t be a good birthday if all he remembers is puking.” 

 

Sweet Pea snickered and gave you a salute, and you grinned before heading behind the bar and towards the fridge in the kitchen, pulling out the cake and lighting every candle carefully, leaving one for good luck. 

 

* * *

 

By the end of the night, you were the best kind of exhausted. You were tired from all the dancing, and your stomach hurt from laughing so hard so many times. As you walked around the Wyrm with a large garbage bag, keeping your promise to Hog Eye that a few of you would clean up afterwards, you watched as Toni snaked her arms around Cheryl’s waist, pressing kisses to her girlfriend’s cheek. 

 

“Hey, Topaz. Stop making moves on Blossom and grab a broom,” Sweet Pea called out, his voice teasing as he swept on the other side of the room. 

 

You snickered as Toni flipped him off, watching her press another kiss against Cheryl’s face, Kevin and Fangs both snickering across from them, still plopped down on the couch after you had insisted that Fangs wasn’t allowed to clean. The sight of both couples made you feel nothing but joy for your friends, and that was quite a relief. It had been months since your break up, and you were finally at a point where looking at other couples didn’t make your heart ache painfully. 

 

Grabbing a tray loaded with dirty glasses, you lugged it over to the kitchen, setting them down in the sink and getting started on washing them up. When you heard a familiar set of footsteps entering the kitchen, you glanced over your shoulder, smiling at Sweet Pea as he emptied everything he had swept into the garbage. 

 

“I’m suddenly thankful I’ve never been employed here,” Sweet Pea muttered jokingly, setting down the broom with a heavy sigh. 

 

You snorted at his words, shaking your head with a fond grin. “Your job is hustling all the newcomers at pool.”

 

“Damn straight it is,” he muttered in pride, grabbing a towel and drying the glasses you washed without any prompting. It made you smile, a glimmer of nostalgia flooding your senses in a way that didn’t feel so sad. 

 

Both of you were quiet for a few moments, settling into a familiar routine of doing the dishes together in a comfortable silence. When Sweet Pea cleared his throat, you peered up in curiosity, watching as he seemed to think something over. 

 

“You know… For a minute there, I was kind of scared- actually, no, I was fucking terrified that we would never be the same.”

 

You didn’t need any clarification, knowing exactly what he meant. You laughed softly, glancing down at the soapy water in the sink. “Oh, me too. I thought one of us would have to move to Greendale for sure.” 

 

He let out a laugh, that familiar booming chuckle that always slipped out whenever your words took him by surprise. You exchanged amused grins over the sink, relieved that you had found a place away from grief and heartache. Somewhere warm and reminiscent, without the lingering sting that you had felt after that last night in his trailer, the feeling that had followed for months on end. It had been a long time of avoiding each other in hallways, only hanging out in large groups where you wouldn’t have to interact. 

 

“And here we are now,” you murmured, knowing he would know what you meant, knowing he felt that same feeling in the darkness of the kitchen, away from everyone else. 

 

“Here we are,” he murmured just as softly, setting down another glass and meeting your eyes once again. 

 

His lips curled into a small smile, and you could feel your face doing the exact same. And you didn’t say another word, just standing there until the glasses ran out, and everything had been cleaned. Even then, you didn’t lose that feeling. 

 

That you had loved each other, and broken each other, and taken so much time to remember who you were away from one another, away from a relationship that had spun out of control. And now you were sure, feeling it in your entire body as you looked at his dark brown eyes with little strands of hair framing his face. You knew that everything would be just fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! a little disclaimer in case i forgot: i don't own these characters, nor do i own the song mentioned which is tongue tied by grouplove, or the song this fic was named after, where's my love by SYML. hope you guys enjoyed it!


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